Getting happy when your child leaves...

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They come, you love them, they grow and they leave--as it should be!

A dear friend is beginning her journey into the empty nest syndrome--and is very sad that her child is at college and she misses them terribly...she asked how to get to a happier place on the matter, and this is what i shared with her--

I had the same situation as you did when i was young--i flew out of the nest so fast my head spun, and went to school far away and then settled into married life soon after...

This was the norm, when we were kids--we were set up early to separate from our parents because they had lived in a difficult world and did their best to make sure we could stand on our own two feet--that and our rebellious natures kicked in and we did just fine standing on our own...ofcourse, we felt sad in our hearts that we were not "closer" to our parents' and thus rockets of desire were sent off...and in the next generation WE as parents developed much stronger emotional bonds with our children...

But children are free spirits and the are ancient souls just like us who came into the physical for a specific life scenario-and you, from the non-physical agreed to be his mother--and you both agreed to exchange contrast...and as most mothers do, you filled YOUR life with him...

and there in lies a big part of the situation--because YOUR life is yours...and his life is his--and in caring for him, you still should have your own life, with your own interests that now can take over a bit and fill the time...you are looking at this as if you have lost something--when you have not lost anything--you still have your lovely son, you still have vibrational contact with him--you can BE with him at any moment by remembering the way he FEELS to you vibrationally--and immediately those heart bonds activate and your energies are together...but now, you havnet lost anything--you have GAINED...

so, what have you gained? More time for yourself to do all the things you put on hold while he was home....more peace and quiet....and a sense of well being that he is standing on his own two feet, starting to live his independant life-not as YOU did, flying from the nest, but as a boy who had a loving and close relationship with his mother...

I have friends who are in their 30's and they STILL live at home with their parents--went to college, came back and then didnt pay rent, but worked and got fancy cars and took fancy vacations and went out to fancy dinners, but still their parents provided the home--and they are pulling their hair out and thinkning why wont he leave? Well, because in your desire to have closeness with your child, you never fostered independance....and so, they dont know how to be alone...

you want your son to be strong, independant, and yet loving and connected...and so, intend that for him--and intend that YOU know this is the right path and you are going to get OK with it--but it will take time...and know YOU will find new exciting friends and thiings to do to fill your days--and soon, it will be time for him to come home for a visit and you will wonder what all the fuss was about!

the thing about this place is, we often come with a story that we have blinders on about--and we cant see it from any other focus than our own--the joy of this place is that people will lovingly show you the other side...and sometimes thats all you need to shift your emotions up the scale...

you arent feeling BADLY because you miss your son--you are missing your son and your inner being is telling YOU through your emotions that that is not your truth--you want your son to be FREE--to be able to spread his wings and live his own life...but you still have fear that he will leave you as you left your parents...

but you are not your parents--and he is not you...and your relationship was different and thus the path is different...all is well, all is unfolding perfectly as the universe and YOU intended...